A Letter To God
October 4, 2011 at 12:00 am 4 comments
Dear Jesus,
I want my momma. I can’t even allow myself to think about how much I miss her because I’d probably lose my mind. I just wanna talk to her. I just wanna talk to her. If I had any idea that my last time seeing her would have been my last time seeing her things would have gone a little differently. I would have told her that she is absolutely the funniest person I have ever met in my entire life. I would have told her that nobody on this earth has made me laugh as hard as she has.
I would have told her how much I absolutely love her and how everything I do in life is centered around the things I learned from her. She was great. I know I’m not the first person to lose a parent, but I’ve never experienced this type of pain or confusion before. I’m still bumbling around life trying to keep my head above water.
I want to talk to my family about her . I want to tell them how sad I am but I can’t because it will only make them sad. My conversations with my daddy are very guarded now because I try not to mention her name. This is very difficult because she is the only thing on my mind.
I’m so thankful you allowed me to go home the week before her death. I’ll never forget how she and I laid in her bed and talked. I’ll never forget how she forced me to bring the kids to see her that Sunday morning before we left. I’m so glad I obeyed her. And the way she looked at me as I walked out the door….
I had never seen that look before. She was sad-sad that we were leaving. She had never been sad at our departure before. But this time she was so sad she couldn’t even say goodbye. It was weird. Looking back at that moment I think she knew. I think she knew she was going to die.
Two days later she called me and said she was going in the hospital. How strange this was because most times she tried to hide her hospital stays from me. But this time she wanted me to know. “Krystal, I’m just calling to tell you I’m going in the hospital”. And that was our last conversation.
God, I thank you for my momma. I thank you for my momma. I want her back, but I know she’s happier with you.
Entry filed under: my family. Tags: losing a parent, suffering the loss of a parent, the death of a parent.
1.
Cheryl Kenely Witherspoon | October 7, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Dear Krystal,
I am very touched by this blog. I am holding back tears b/c I do not want Dana and Davia to see me crying, AGAIN. I remember those sad looks for the past times that I saw mom, too. I thought she was just sick or feeling bad but I could never have imagined that she would die. I am sure, as you said, that she is happy in heaven and i am happy that she has made it there. I do, however,miss her and I am SURE that she misses us. She really was funny, wasn’t she? Thank you Lord for my mom, dad,sisters, and other family. Thank you for being with us through this transition. Please continue to bless us and help us grow closer to you each day.
2.
Cassandra | October 4, 2011 at 4:12 pm
Dear Krystal,
This is my first time on your blog. (I found you through Blogalicious.) I was instantly touched and moved emotionally by your entry today because I miss my momma, too. Her name is also Crystal and she has Alzheimers. I have her picture on my blog, A Renaissance Woman and it is dedicated to her. Her short term memory is gone. I can call her in the morning and two hours later she’s forgotten that I’ve called. She doesn’t remember that I spent 3 weeks in July with her. She taught me how to read and we would share books, but she doesn’t anymore. She’s still here, but she isn’t. I know how you feel. I miss my momma, too.
God Bless you. I’ll be praying for you.
Cassandra
3.
Mia | October 4, 2011 at 12:59 pm
Krystal,
I am sorry for your loss. I have been there and can truly say it gets a little better. Take your time and grieve and know that there is no right or wrong way to feel.
4.
Kathy Sykes | October 4, 2011 at 8:37 am
This is beautiful Krystal and the best part of it is that you are still praising GOD “through” your transition. I have no idea what that must feel like but I do KNOW that if you continue to trust GOD and put it all in his hands, you will NOT feel alone much longer. You are on the best track of your life.